Now HUSHED and BETRAYED

Monday, February 14, 2005

FEELING lonely
SONG My Boo - Usher and Alicia Keys

Stupid Valentine's Day
I know I shouldn't be mad that it's Valentine's Day because I do have a boyfriend but it still sucks for me because I CAN'T spend Valentine's with him. His work was a dick to him and gave him a shift even when he booked it off. But it's okay. I forgive him because he was actually very sweet about taking the shift. He said that most of his co-workers who are working are single and he didn't want to make them endure the work while it's all couples around just themselves so he decided .. you know what? Might as well make the most of the situation. He was pretty upset that we can't spend time together on Valentine's but it's okay. We kinda already had a little Valentine's thing last night because technically we went home past midnight last night. So it's all good.

Gotta made a date with him soon though or else my parents will think ... "this guy is totally playing her" LOL. I finally told my mom that Luke is interested in me and he had asked me out for Valentine's Day. She said "GO FOR IT!!" and so yeah ... but now it got cancelled because he had to end up working and both my parents were ... oddly enough ... were disappointed. Apparently my dad was pretty excited!!! LOL. I found that hilarious!! My mom was pretty giddy about it too. They were more excited than I was. LOL. So yeah ... they still think that I need to go on my first date ... they don't know that we've been dating for over a week now. LOL. It's funny because they think I'm this sweet sweet super innocent little girl. LOL. What's even weirder was LUKE thought I was this innocent little girl. LOL. What is up with that?? Is it because I'm this short little asian girl who likes to laugh a lot? I guess it doesn't help that I look like one of those angelic faces ... man ... sometimes that doesn't help but o well. At least people can get a surprise when they are with me in private. LOL. Luke sure was surprised ahahhahahaha

Actually so was I ... well when it came to Luke. I had this impression that he was this really really shy guy ... among other things ... then I found out some numbers ... and/or I guess our little "dates" in my car and I was like WHAT THE?!?! WHOA!! HOLY SHIT!! Yeah ... kinda shocked ... I guess we both learned something new about each other.

I am very proud of myself though ... not freaking out about things because usually I do with my whole afraid of commitment thing. My only problem is that it's hard for me to open up about certain things and fortunately he understands that. We kinda balance out in that way. Physically ... he's shy. Emotionally ... I'm shy. Sooner or later we'll find some common ground ... honestly I think we're on our way because we've already talked about a lot of things and shared a lot of things in both directions so it's okay. It's only the beginning. LOL. One thing we both agreed on ... we're both so ignorant. LOL. We should have done this a lot sooner. LOL.

Raie has spoke at 04:36 p.m.

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Feeling Happy As Hell
Song Seal - Don't Cry

The Future
So I MIGHT have a future boyfriend. LOL. That is just the weirdest thing to say ever but it's kinda true. Luke and I talked last night for 3 hours and well ... let me say we got A LOT off our chests that night.

It was hilarious because it was soooo friggin' obvious what we were trying to do to each other. He wanted to say something ... I wanted to say something ... we both were trying to get each other to tell each other. It was one of the funniest things we have ever talked about. But .. it was nice. Basically ... after 2 hours of hilarity ... Luke eventually just came out and told me that he still likes me. He just thought that this wasn't the right time because I'm always busy and he didn't want to add to anymore stress that I already have. He was sooooooo sweet about it. He knew that I have always needed time when it comes to things like this and I told him that I liked him too and I would love to go out and pursue something with him if he was willing to be patient with me. Sure enough ... he understood completely. LOL.

RAIE : So what do you want to do about this?
LUKE: I dont know. I mean we go for this now ... we won't have a lot of time to see each other. I know you're really busy with school and you also have a job. I don't want to have to add to all that trouble you already have. I was actually planning on telling you all this when school is over for you but I guess all this just kinda happened. I already am pretty happy that we still have some time to talk on the phone. It's really all up to you.
RAIE: Well ... Yes ... I am really busy with school. It's true that it would be hard to actually "DATE" each other now. It's just the matter of waiting for a few months. YOu up for that?
LUKE: Haha. I'm up for anything. I mean ... we'll still be friends and we still talk on the phone anyway.
RAIE: So when I'm done school it is.
LUKE: So for now we're friends until those few months are over.
RAIE: Yes. Friends ... And yea ... we still always MANAGE to find some time for us. I mean we ARE going to a movie in a couple of weeks right?
LUKE: Oh yeah! Wait ... what if something happens .. you know ... that night. Like what if I kiss you or something?
RAIE: If it happens then it happens!!!
LUKE: Then that totally contradicts what we're trying to do here!!
RAIE: Well ... I DON'T KNOW!!!
LUKE: Okay ... fine ... we'll just go with it
RAIE: Just go with theh flow.
LUKE: Right.

Raie has spoke at 03:55 p.m.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Feeling Kinda relieved
Song Jennifer Love Hewitt - Cool With You

It's Under Way!
Gemma is my official co-writer with my screenplay!! Man! Am I sooooo friggin' happy that I have her as my co-writer! We hung out yesterday and had lunch and we just talked for 2 hours talking about it!!! At some points, she seemed even more excited than me!! LOL. She had some great ideas and she really understood at what I wanted for this screenplay, she understood what my motivations were and some of her ideas were just gold!! So money ... it's gold. She's even prepared for the long process. We both know that it could take a couple of years to work on this and she's still on board! I love you Gem!! We are just going to rock on this!

I have realized that this whole thing with Luke is scaring me now. I know, I know ... after all the agonizing and stupid ass moaning I have done, I have come to the realization that RIGHT NOW I just want to remain friends with him. LOL. Mohsin wanted to smack me when I said this. LOL. Surprisingly Anna and Justin took it pretty well. LOL. It's kinda weird. I'm weird. For so long I wanted something .. then just the thought of MAYBE be able to have it ... I don't know how to handle it. And that's how I feel with Luke. I love where we are right now. Just being friends, hanging out and talking. I like that. He came by school today and hung out with me a few of my friends. Mohsin liked him. LOL. Thought that he was a pretty cool guy. At least now if I ever FINALLY decide to date him, I know that he can fit in quite well. LOL.

So far my character development ideas for my screenplay: Main Characters:
Sam (which is basicaly me)
- bad experiences with relationships which made her scared of commitment
- wants stability
- chain smoker (trying real hard to quit)
- somewhat lovesick over ex-boyfriend
- can be very quiet but being loud makes up for it
- very comical (another thing that makes up for her laid-back/quiet nature)
- has plutonic relationship with Vaughn (who is her "go-to" guy)
Vaughn
- fast-talker
- thinks he knows a lot about what women want
- sexually experienced
- feels like HE has to put himself out there for everyone to know when it's obvious he doesn't need to
- despite his "arrogant" personality, he's still a very loyal friend, especially to Sam (which he will show by trying to do anyting to make her happy)
- Shows a deeper side only to Sam which shows he is still somewhat insecure and human
- catch phrase = "Just give me one day ... I mean ... one night"
Anna
- has no self-control with anything she does
- loud, in your face
- a little too sociable
- loves the attention from the males
- does not have a sence of loyalty unless she gets something in return
- flirts a lot with Vaughn but doesn't really get anywhere with him
- best friend of Sam's but we soon see that relationship deteriorate and just fall
- has no conscience or no shame
- when she wants something, she will go and get it

Money Commenters Shelley, Cindy, Leslie

Raie has spoke at 07:59 p.m.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Feeling Giddy
Song Theme Song from "Old School"

Screenplay Craves
I woke up this morning craving a smoke. Like seriously craving one which kinda scared me because I hadn't thought about smoking in 6 months. I haven't touched one in six months and then one random day I wake up craving one. It was insane. I came to school just thinking about it every 5 mins and finally I gave in and had one. It felt phenomenal. Great ... so much for quitting.

I have been watching too many Vince Vaughn films. Did I mention that I'm completely a huge huge huge huge fan of his? Well ... there you go. I am. I've always been a fan of his but this is the first time that I've really been INTO HIM. Like seriously into him. So far I bought like 4 movies that has in it. I was quite happy. I've been watching the movies non-stop. The commentary for "old School" was freaking ass hilarious!!! I couldn't stop laughing!! Same with Swingers. They tellestrater thing they did was sooo wicked!! Or as they say in the movie ... "it was so money!". Swingers, I would have to say, is now officially one of my favourites movies. It was just so relatable!! I couldn't stop laughing and the entire time I was like, "OMG!! My friends and I did that!!!". It was awesome. I love the whole story of it. It made me wanna write my own screenplay about the events of my life. So yeah ... I could talk about Vince Vaughn all day. *sigh*

As for this screenplay I'm trying to write. I'm still trying to do the foundations of it like a firm storyline with steady characters. I know so many people with really out-there personalities that it's hard to just pin-point which ones I really want in the script. I'm also debating whether to make this movie on a perspective of a guy or a girl. I could do it just Tina Fey style and just have a little place for myself in some part of the movie. I definitely want to make this into a comedy/drama thing. I don't think it will be too much of a physical comedy thing but I still want it funny.

My friend and I were just having so much fun talking about what has happened to me and the events that circled me and she gave me the idea of writing a screenplay involving these funny moments. I guess she can be my co-writer. She has pretty funny ideas and I know I would need some help remembering things since I have a horrible memory. LOL. But I guess I need something solid first before I start, like a storyline. Like I said ... I'm still working on it and I doubt I would finish it in a few months. I'm thinking this would be a thing that could go on for a couple of years. I'm very tedious that way.

I definitely want an "Anna" character in the movie. I'm still debating whether to make her the biggest bitch in the movie or just have her as some complex person who can't help but act like a idiot. LOL. Of course I gotta have the mix of Adam and Ivan. Together they would be like Trent(Vince Vaughn played) from Swingers - fast, smooth talking good-looking guys who are out looking for women except for these guys, they secretly do wish to find someone they could settle with because that's what Adam and Ivan are doing, they just don't want to admit it (in public that is). As for me ... I don't know how to play out my character. I don't know whether it should be a guy or a girl but I do know that it's going to involve being lovesick over a person that they feel they will never have and once they feel like they could have it they don't know if they could take it. That's one main thing about my personality and I think I can really play around with it in so many ways. I could do my whole "trying to quit smoking" deal. LOL. A love/hate relationship with my pack of cigarettes. My friend was laughing hysterically when I told her the story of when I started talking to my pack of cigarettes about how I hate it but I can't live without it. Yes ... I had a "talk" with my cigarettes. I think a major part of my character at why he/she is so lovesick is because of all the bad luck the he/she has come across. Well ... that I've come across. Sadly enough, it's so sad that it's pathetically funny and most people I told the stories too found it to be very humourous. I stopped being offended by it and decided to embrace it because as I thought about it ... It's pretty funny shit. I guess it helps that I tell the stories in a funny way. The sad part is that I'm only 19 and I feel like I can tell stories like I was 30 and telling old stories of my life. Wow. I don't know how to react to that. LOL. I guess I'm enlightened right now LOL.

So many things I could play with and I don't even know where to start. I have written scripts before to help out friends with their scripts for their highschool production classes but this is my first time at taking on something a little more large scale. I'll eventually get somewhere.

Raie has spoke at 06:22 p.m.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Feeling Tired As Hell
Music GreenDay - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

A Brand New Start??
Well I did it ... I talked to Luke. I did it!!! I went to a dinner party at the restaurant where he works. At first I didn't see him then after an hour there he was and I was silently wondering when I should talk to him. I guess the people arount me were wondering as well ... lol ... they kept telling me to go over there HAHA. Anyways, at the end of the night, HE himself ACTUALLY came out of the kitchen to talk to me!! Yes, I was pretty excited. But anyways, we chatted about old times and about work and school and stuff like that. It was nice. It was great talking to him again without feeling too awkward.

It was hilarious though because EVERYONE was waiting for me as I talked him, wondering what's going on. HAHAHA. The only one who didn't get it at first was Adam LOL. He walked over to us and he introduced himself to Luke and was talking until Jake grabbed him.
"DUDE! Something is going on outside!! You have to see it!!" *Jake pulls Adam away*

It was pretty funny. Anyways, I gave him my number because he said that he has a few phone problems and it would be hard to reach him. Now ... I don't know if that means anything but I gave him my number anyway. I'm really not expecting him to call me but I guess it would be nice if he did. I mean who are we kidding ourselves ... I WANT HIM TO CALL ME but I think it would be a surprise if he did.

I've been in a good mood since then lol and Anna was like squealing happily about the whole thing and EVERY DAMN PERSON was like "FINALLY!!! GEEZ RAIE!! SEE? That wasn't so bad was it!??!!??!?"

So here I say, "Yes guys ... I admit ... it wasn't that bad and should have done it a long time ago" LOL!!

Crazy thing here ... Ellie has apologized to me about supporting Anna during the whole summer now that Anna has just screwed her over. Remember the whole thing with Anna basically fucking around with Adam behind my back? Yeah it happened AGAIN!!! This time ... to Ellie. What's worse about this one is that Ellie is GOING OUT with Adam.

Here's the jist of what happened.
-Adam was drunk because it was his birthday party
-Anna offered that he crash at her house(what an idiot)
-Anna decided to sleep downstairs to where HE was
-Adam was pushing himself on Anna
-Anna .... let him (while she has a boyfriend of her own) -And Ellie found out about it since Adam is her boyfriend

Insane right? So Ellie and I talked about it and we have agreed that Anna is quite the slut and all she really wants is sex and she doesn't care if she ruins and loses what could be the only reliable friendships she's ever had in her life. Ellie and I were like sisters for her. We got in trouble for her, lost a lot of money because of her, we comforted her and just basically DID EVERY GOD-DAMNED THING FOR HER and she betrayed us as if we were just nothing. Honestly ... She doesn't deserve Jake at all.

She doesn't even try to re-patch our friendships either. NOTHING. That's why I don't really trust her anymore and she knows that we're not as close as we used to be. She loves getting attention from guys and just as long as she has that, that's all that matters to her. I feel really sorry for you Anna. Really sorry. All I know is ... if Jake ever disappears somehow and you're all alone and your "charm" is gone too ... you're going to be so alone. So alone.

Raie has spoke at 10:12 a.m.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Feeling Relaxed
Song Pink - Love Song

Relaxation!
I am soooo happy!! My first final has been done and over with. Now ... 3 more to go. LOL. I don't think I did too well on this final though because I was guessing most of the time LOL. I slacked off with the studying so much last night that I ended up trying to pull an all-nighter. I just fell asleep on top of my notes. It was funny coz this morning I woke up to my blaring alarm and my notes were all stuck to my face ahahahah. Well at least now I can concentrate on math.

I GOT MY NEW LAYOUT!!! You guys like? It's still simple as hell but that's because I barely have any brushes since my computer just got fixed. LOL. Gotta start looking for some brushes. The ones I used for the layout I just make myself. When I find better brushes, I'll make a better layout.

I can't wait until all the exams are over!!!!! Why? Because I'm gonna play billiards for like 6 hours!! Did I mention that I'm a billiards addict? hahaha. I'm in love with the game. I'm always playing and sometimes I totally slack and go to the pool hall than study ( I KNO! SO BAD!) but yeah .. that's how much I love it. I'm getting good at it too but I still need more practice. There isn't such thing as too much practice.

Raie has spoke at 10:32 a.m.